She left
home. Her mummy was taking care of her little brother and she had to go on an
errand. She should find food, wherever it was. She went over London streets,
listening people yelling. She asked herself why they shouted so much. The only
thing she knew was that everybody insulted that ugly woman from the street
posters, but she didn’t understand why. She just had to find food, she was just
passing by.
Hours later,
some policemen blocked her
safe way home. She had to get too close to the yelling, she had to go to that
street. She never knew who or what it was: maybe the mounted police who went
towards her, maybe the incendiary object aimed at him.
And she could never ask her mum.
Even though she was
just passing by.
I've changed two things in this story after doing our Peer Writing Conference in class:
ReplyDeleteFirst, I changed the sentence "maybe the incendiary object thrown to him by the yelling people" to "maybe the incendiary object aimed at him" because it wasn't clear what I wanted to say before.
Secondly, I added "Even though" at the beginning of the last sentence to reinforce the feeling I wanted to express.
I hope it's clearer now. However, I'm open to every suggestion you can give me to improve this microstory.
I like the story a lot but...who's the "him" in the last paragraph?
ReplyDelete